My Story

Someone on another blog I frequent asked me to print one of the stories I sold to a confession magazine. This is my original; the magazine brought all rights, so they've changed the names and some other details, including the title. Enjoy. Comments welcomed.

UNEXPECTED OFFICE AFFAIR
Mom told me the day I married to my high school sweetheart, "Keep your affections at home."

I was so caught up in the happiness of that day that I didn’t give much thought to what she said. Her saying came back to me during the summer Doris Jones entered my life. Doris became my assistant not long after my former assistant, Maggie, retired after thirty years of service to the company. Maggie was a good worker, but she wasn’t the friendliest person in the world. She was assigned to me when I was promoted to one of the managers’ positions at the Construction Company where I had worked since I graduated from high school. Other than "good morning" and "good night", Maggie and I didn’t talk much other than about work. When Doris came in to interview, she impressed me right off. She projected an air of confidence and had an easy, lilting laugh. More important than that, she set me at ease. When our meeting was over, she stood up and gave my hand a firm shake, her green eyes never leaving mine.

"It was a pleasure talking to you, Mr. Stallworth. I hope that we see each other again." She gave my hand a little extra squeeze—or I imagined she did—and she was gone.

No sooner than she had left, I was on the phone to Human Resources. I wanted her to start as soon as possible.Everything ran smoothly after she came on board. It was as if Doris could read my mind. She was truly my right hand. Nothing was out of place, and she met every deadline seemingly with ease. Doris was always pleasant. None of the rolled eyes and light sarcasm I sometimes experienced when I asked Maggie to do some projects. I grew to like being greeted by her warm smile in the mornings. Maybe I enjoyed it a little too much, now that I think back on it. Doris also had a mystery about her that drew me to know more. We talked a lot throughout the day, and shared jokes, but she didn’t reveal much about herself. I did notice there was not a ring on her left hand, but that didn’t mean anything. Some couples get engaged and never get a ring until after they’ve been married for awhile. When I married Anna, I couldn’t afford to give her a ring until after we had been married for a year. I wanted to ask Doris if there was any special man in her life, but it really wasn’t my business. Besides, I liked being intrigued by her sly smiles.

One night, a meeting ran way past dinnertime. Just as we left the office, the sky opened and rain fell in huge, heavy drops. "See you tomorrow, John," Doris said, as she opened her umbrella. "Your car is not too far away, is it?" I asked. She laughed in her own warm way. "My old car died right before I started working here. The bus stop is up at the corner." I kicked myself inside. Seems like I should have known that Doris didn’t have a car. "I’m parked across the street. I’ll give you a ride," I offered. "I’ll be fine," she grinned. "I don’t want to take you out of your way." "I’ll worry about you on the bus this time of night. I insist," I said. I thought, boy, that sounded odd coming out of me, but a second later we were running across the street. Doris gave me directions to her place, and then we began a lively conversation about the issues of the day. I noticed her perfume, a light, pleasant scent that was different than any of the perfumes Anna wore. Suddenly, I felt funny about comparing Doris to my wife, and turned my mind back on our conversation.Doris lived farther out than I thought.

I pulled up in front of a plain looking apartment building in a working class neighborhood. It reminded me of the one I grew up in. "This is it?" I said in amazement. "Yes, it is," Doris smiled. "I’m on the third floor." Doris opened her umbrella as she stepped out of the car. For a second she stood there, and I thought that she seemed extremely out of place in that environment. Doris struck me as too much of a lady to be there. "I really appreciate the ride, John. Have a good night!" She closed the door and bounded lightly up the steps to her front door. I waited until she was safely inside, and lingered a little more until I saw a light come on in a third floor window. On the way home, I couldn’t stop wondering about how Doris lived her life away from the job. Did she go to the movies? Or did she like to curl up with a good book with smooth jazz music playing on the radio? Nah. . .Doris was a little reserved on the job, but I figured that was just part of being professional while at work. She probably was a vivacious type when she wasn’t on the clock, with lots of friends to call on. I was spending way too much time thinking about my assistant.

I resolved to put her and the long workday out of my mind as I turned into the driveway of the comfortable suburban house I lived in with my wife and two kids. Anna would be waiting to tell me what harmless pranks the boys had pulled that day or the latest gossip from her girlfriends, who were all stay-at-home moms like her. I was confused to find all the lights off and no one at home, until I spotted a note near the telephone in the hallway. Guess I forgot that Anna had taken the boys to spend the night over at my mother’s house, and that she had gone out for dinner and drinks with her girlfriends. Anna had what my mother would call "hot feet". She took care of the house and boys fine, but my wife liked to be on the go a lot. Anna was the one who organized the weekly outings with the other wives in the neighborhood. She also had a hand in the shopping trips and lunch dates they kept up on a regular basis, as well. Sometimes, I wondered from where Anna received her energy. I nibbled on a bit of the casserole that Anna had made earlier, then decided to call it a night. I would have waited up for my wife, but I was tired out. Besides, her friend Carmen usually drove them around in her mini-van when they went out, so I wasn’t worried about Anna not having a ride home.

As I lay in bed, I hugged Anna’s pillow close to me, and gave thanks for the fact that I did have a family to come home to. Doris had never said anything about having parents or other family who lived nearby. She probably was all alone in the city. Suddenly, I wrapped the pillow around my head and turned over. What was wrong with me? All of my buddies envied me when I got engaged to Anna. She was considered one of the best looking girls around, and she still is. Doris probably wouldn’t be considered supermodel material, yet she had an inner glow that made her attractive, and a smart mind to boot. I’m sure I knew girls like that in high school, but they were the types that boys had as friends not as dates. Why couldn’t I get Doris out of my mind? The question was not answered as I drifted off to sleep.

I ran down to breakfast the next morning, with only enough time for a cup of coffee. Anna was on the phone, and she ended the call when I came into the room. She looked a little startled. "Something wrong, honey?" I asked. Anna smoothed her shoulder length blonde hair with her hand. "It’s Carmen. Trouble in paradise again," she sighed. I rolled my eyes. Carmen always blew up every little thing that happened between her and her husband into World War III. I was very glad that I didn’t have to live with a woman like that every day. Anna and I had our disagreements and problems like most couples, but I felt we communicated well. "Don’t tell me," I said, as I gulped down my coffee. "Okay, I won’t, but she wants me to come by later today to give me all of the gory details. I’m going to pick up the boys later, then stop by the store. Anything special you want for dinner?" Anna smiled. "Surprise me," I grinned. "I love everything you cook." I kissed her and hustled out of the door to my car.

Doris did not enter my mind again until I got up to my office to find her hard at work at her desk. She barely looked up at me to say hello, which was out of character for her. She seemed to be out of sorts all morning. Right before lunch, I called her into my office.

"I found out my ex is getting married this weekend," she wearily said as she sat down in the chair in front of my desk. So, there was a man, I thought in surprise. I didn’t want to appear like I was prying, so I announced, "Doris, you don’t have to tell me any more about it." She gave a dismissive wave and a small sigh. "My boyfriend and I decided to give each other some air several months ago. I knew it was unlikely we’d get back together, but I still hoped that things would work out somehow. I was wrong." A mutual friend of Doris and her ex-boyfriend had called to tell her the news about his upcoming wedding. I steeled myself in case she started bawling. Women seem to take break-ups harder than men do. My mom cried in her room at night for months when Dad left her. Dad claimed he was in love with the woman with whom he was sneaking around town. The same anger I felt towards Dad then, I felt towards Doris’ ex-boyfriend. "Come on," I said, getting up from my desk. "You need some cheering up." Doris started to protest, but I led her out to her desk to get her purse.

I took her to one of those retro-theme restaurants where everything was decorated as if it was forty years ago. Even the waiters and waitresses dressed as if they were extras in a 1965 B movie. We had a great time there. I kept making jokes to hear Doris laugh. The more Doris talked, the more I thought that the guy who let her go was a fool. I could see that she was an intelligent, charming woman. How come he didn’t see that?

After our lunch, I felt more drawn to Doris than before. I’d better get it together, I thought. Treading on dangerous ground. Doris went back to her desk, and I could hear her humming softly to herself as she worked. I checked my voice mail, and felt a pang of guilt. My wife had left a message around the time that I would have normally been back from lunch. Doris and I had stayed out a little longer than usual. "Honey, Mrs. Basili offered to watch Sean and Noah while I go soothe Carmen’s nerves. I promise I won’t let her keep me too long. I’ll pick up some steak for dinner. Love you!" I checked the other messages that pertained to business, then tried to concentrate on my work. It was hard.

Doris waved at me from the outer office at the end of the day. "I enjoyed lunch, John. That helped at lot." Her green eyes seemed brighter, as if they were looking through to my thoughts. She looked as if she wanted to say something further, but the words didn’t come out. The phone in my office rang. "My pleasure, Doris," I smiled as I picked up the receiver. Doris smiled and left the office.

"Dad, are you coming home right now?" I heard Sean, my ten-year-old say over the line. "Yeah, buddy. What’s up?" I answered. "Mrs. Basili said she has to leave in a half hour. She kept calling Mom, but she didn’t answer her cell phone." "Tell Mrs. Basili I’m leaving right now. I’ll call Mom on the way home, okay?" Anna was always forgetting to recharge her phone. She was probably at the grocery store. When I got inside my car, I dialed her number, but the voice mail kicked in almost immediately. Maybe Carmen was talking so much that she forgot to turn her phone on. I didn’t want to do it, but I called Carmen’s number. I hoped that her husband, Miguel, would answer. Carmen was not discreet about her family affairs, and I’d rather not hear her dirty laundry. I didn’t know how Anna put up with it.

I was relieved when Carmen’s husband picked up. "Anna hasn’t been here," he told me. "Didn’t she tell you about the disagreement they had?" "First time I’ve heard of it," I said. "I’m trying to stay out of the middle of it," Miguel said. "All I know is that Carmen said something to Anna and she got mad. They haven’t been talking to each other for a few days." "They’ve been friends for years. It’ll probably blow over soon." I was in confusion when I ended the conversation shortly afterwards. Hadn’t Carmen just called Anna yesterday? Anna did look a little upset. Maybe she attempted to make up, and it didn’t work out. Then why did she say she was going to her house?

When I got home, Mrs. Basili was irritated. "I don’t mind watching the boys," she told me, barely allowing me to get inside the house first, "but your wife told me she was only going to be gone for an hour. That was almost four hours ago! You know I check on my husband every day." Mrs. Basili’s husband was in a nearby nursing home, a victim of Alzheimer’s. "I’m sorry," I apologized. "I’ll speak to her when she gets home." Mrs. Basili hurried out, grumbling about not having much time before visiting hours were over at the nursing home. "I’m glad she’s gone," Sean said. "She never lets us play video games." Seven year old Noah nodded his head in agreement. "Dad, is Mom gonna be here soon?" he questioned me.

"I’m sure she will, son. Why don’t you guys play some games, and I’ll see what’s in the ‘fridge." As the boys jetted off to their room, my mind whirled with questions.

I made some burgers on the indoor grill we had brought that had that famous boxer’s name on it, and put chips on the side. I hoped Sean and Noah didn’t notice my concern. While they played video games, I called all of Anna’s girlfriends, and her parents, who still lived in the city. I even called my mom on the chance that my wife would be visiting her. I acted as if nothing was wrong so I wouldn’t alarm them, but it was bothering me. It wasn’t like my wife to just take off without telling anyone where she was. The boys finished eating, and I was halfway considering calling the police. Just then, Anna came in carrying two bags of groceries.

The boys ran up and hugged her. "Mrs. Basili was mad, Mom," Sean told her. "She was?" Anna said, looking at me with a quizzical expression. "Is your cell phone working? Mrs. Basili couldn’t get through and neither could I," I said as evenly as I could. Anna’s next expression told me that she knew I was upset. "I brought some ice cream," she told the boys. "I’ll dish it up in a little while. Let me talk to Daddy." The boys went back to their room. Anna carried the groceries to the kitchen, and I followed her. "Aw, you already ate without me," she said as she saw the dishes in the sink. Anna busied herself by putting the food away. "What about your phone?" I asked. "Of course, it’s working, but you know how sometimes calls don’t get through. The technology’s not perfect," she said. "Must have been a long line down at the grocery store. Mrs. Basili said you’ve been gone since early this afternoon." Anna gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. "Mrs. Basili exaggerates a lot," she continued. "I’ve been thinking that maybe the boys are too much for her to handle."

"So what’s going on with Carmen?" I asked. "She’s mad because Miguel wants to move his mother in with them. She’s never gotten along with his mom, and thinks her being in the house will be a disaster." "That’s a new perfume you have on," I said when she pulled away to go load the dishwasher. "It’s the same kind I always wear," she said. The scent was definitely not her usual brand. It had more of a musk smell.

I let the matter drop for the rest of the evening. After all, if she knew I was nursing a secret crush on Doris, she’d certainly have reason enough to be suspicious of me. However, it was obvious that Anna was lying, I didn’t know why.

I stayed holed up in my office the next morning, telling others that I was swamped with things I had to get down. I had no reason to believe anything was wrong between Anna and I before last night. I had always believed that we had a good marriage, and we were in a comfortable groove. I tried to push out of my mind the fact that Anna appeared to hide something last night. But was I any better? I didn’t tell Anna that I had taken Doris out to lunch. She might not have thought anything of it, but my motives for being around Doris were beyond a professional relationship. Later in the afternoon, there was a knock on the door, and Doris poked her head in. "Are you hungry?" she said. I momentarily forgot about my problems when I saw her smile. She slipped inside and closed the door behind her. In her hand was a paper sack from one of the nearby fast food places.

"You didn’t have to do that," I said, glad to have the distraction. "What do I owe you?" "Don’t worry about it," she said as she put the bag in front of me and sat down. "Everyone thinks you’ve gotten lost under all of the paper on your desk." She chuckled at this, and I grinned, too, not at the joke, but because I enjoyed the way she looked when she was amused about something. I could have sworn her eyes became brighter and her skin glowed then. "Guess I’m just having a rough day," I said. Doris leaned forward in her seat and looked me in my eyes. "Anything I can help with?" she asked.

I can’t say what possessed me to do what I did next. Maybe it was because of all of the times I thought about Doris and how fascinating she was. It could have been a reaction to Anna not being truthful with me, and not knowing why. I got up, came around my desk, and helped Doris to her feet. She looked in my eyes as if she knew what was coming. When I kissed her, she showed no signs of resistance. It seemed like hours before we finally broke apart, but it was only a few sweet moments. Immediately, I felt guilty, and I guess I expected Doris to show some remorse, too. Instead, she gave a knowing look and slipped back out of my office to her desk.

I hid in the office for the rest of the afternoon, afraid to face her again. I didn’t emerge until after I knew she was gone for the day. The kiss kept replaying in my mind the whole time I rode home. I admit it—I enjoyed it. But it was still wrong. Despite of whatever was going on with Anna, I was still her husband. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go back to work and pretend like nothing had happened. It sickened me that perhaps I had turned into my dad—a womanizer with no consideration for anyone’s feelings.

I was never that much of a drinker, but I needed one at that moment. I pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant and bar that was several miles away from my house. Maybe I could formulate a plan to straighten out everything. I crept into a booth in the farthest, darkest section of the place. Luckily, the place was crowded with people, mostly couples who were too busy into each other to notice a lone man. A waitress quickly appeared to take my order, and left to fill it just as quickly. I put my head down on the table in a vain attempt to clear the confusion inside. A woman’s loud laughter cut across the other noise in the room. Something must have really been funny, because the laughter kept going and going. It sounded familiar. A few moments went by, and the waitress returned with my drink. The woman across the way was still laughing. The waitress, an older woman, wrinkled her nose. "I hope I don’t have to cut someone off because they’ve had too much," she groaned. "It’s too early in the evening to have thrown back that many, don’t you think?" I just nodded as she went back to the bar. That laughter really sounded familiar. I downed my drink in one gulp, and decided not to get another.

I really must have been out of it to think that getting drunk was going to help. I was driving and I needed a clear head. I got up to go up front to pay my bill, when the loud laughter rang out again. I noticed that several of the couples nearby were craning their necks to see who was the culprit. I guess it was disturbing their romantic moments, by the looks on their faces. I looked back at the booth where the noise came from, and saw a man slapping the table with his hand and grinning. His date had her back to me, but I could see that she was a blonde. I felt guilty all over again, because the woman reminded me of Anna. I quickly paid my bill and practically ran out of the place.

I fumbled for my keys for a few minutes after I reached my car. A moment later, I heard the same woman laughing again. At least one person’s having a good time today, I thought ruefully to myself. "I’m sorry I have to rush off, but we have to be careful," the woman said. I spotted Anna leaning against her car, while the man who had been in the booth with her was pressing close to her. "I can’t keep leaving you like this," the guy cooed. "Sooner or later, you’re gonna have to make a decision."

My feet felt like they were bolted to the asphalt. I couldn’t believe it. . .the woman I had known since junior year of high school was seductively hugging another man. "You feel so good," the guy continued. "Find some time to see me tomorrow." Anna kissed him and brushed back his dark hair. "I don’t know about tomorrow, baby. I’ll call you." They went on caressing each other, ignoring their surroundings. Finally, they let each other go. The guy swaggered off to his car, and Anna stood patiently until he drove off in the direction of the city. She then got into her car and rolled away.

I got in my car and sat gripping the wheel for several minutes. I wanted to tear after my wife, confront her about what I saw and demand that she take me to that guy’s house so I could pound him down. When I thought about it, I couldn’t confront Anna over her dirt without revealing mine. But I hadn’t slept with Doris yet. The way Anna and that guy were pressed to each other, I was sure they had crossed that threshold long ago.

I grabbed my cell phone. I couldn’t go home yet. Not now. I had Doris’ home number in my address book because sometimes I called her after hours about work projects. "I need to see you now," I said. Doris hesitated for a moment before she answered. "I know a coffeehouse nearby. Tell me what time you’ll be there, John."

She was waiting at a table when I arrived, a look of concern in her bright eyes. I nodded to her, and went up to the counter to buy a cup of coffee. I came over to sit down, and we sat in silence for several moments, except for the clack of the spoon Doris used to stir her tea. "John, I’m going to turn in my resignation," she said quietly.

"You don’t have to do that," I told her. She reached out and took hold of my left hand, running a finger over my wedding band. "We were both wrong," she answered. "Do you honestly think I could continue to come to work and we just forget about our attraction?" I was happy that she felt the same way about me, but sad because she was being truthful. I wasn’t going to give up easily. I told what I had learned about Anna that day. Doris listened patiently until I was through. "Some men say things just to get what they want out of a woman, but I believe you," she said earnestly. "She’s still your wife, however. I don’t want to be an easy excuse to end your marriage. Go back and see if there is anything worth saving." She got up from the table. "What if there isn’t? What then?" I asked, looking up at her.

Tears were pooling in her eyes. "You have to try, John," she said. "Don’t give up unless you are certain there is no chance. I’ll just have to accept what happens." Doris hurried out into the night before I could say anything else.

It was a long ride home that night. All the lights were off when I pulled up into the driveway, so I assumed that Anna and the boys were asleep. I hoped that Anna was. I still had no idea what to say to her. Now that Doris and I had acknowledged that there was something between us, I knew I would have to deal with that, too. I crept through the living room, when a lamp light on an end table next to the couch went on. After my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw Anna sitting on the couch in her bathrobe.

"Guess you know, right?" she said. Before I could respond, Anna went on. "I saw your car in the lot after Derek pulled off." It was as if all the air drained out of me like a punctured balloon. "So that’s his name," I said, sounding defeated. "I half expected you to come running over and punch him out," Anna laughed bitterly. "I should have known you’d show no reaction."

"You cheated on me and now you’re accusing me of being uncaring?" I bristled, trying to keep my voice down as to not to wake the boys. "Not uncaring, just unobservant," my wife snapped. "You go off out in the real world everyday, while my life consists of nothing of dealing with the boys and this house. You’re satisfied with our little world, but I feel like I’m in a cage." I slumped down in a nearby chair. "Haven’t I shown you affection, taken care of you, taken care of the boys?" I demanded. "There is no excitement anymore, nothing but sameness," she sighed in frustration.

"Why am I just now hearing about your unhappiness?" I asked. "You could have always talked to me." "What would have that changed?" she said, a hard edge to her voice. "I would still be bored, John. I expected my life to be different than this."

I didn’t know what to say to that. I honestly thought everything was fine. What signs did I miss? Anna slowly picked up the tissues strewn around on the coffee table and the couch. "I’m going to continue to see Derek," she said coldly. "I guess we’d better talk about separation." I stood up and walked towards the front door. "No, we’d better talk about divorce," I growled before leaving. Anna had chosen what was going to make her happy and it wasn’t me.

It was the middle of the night as I leaned on Doris’ bell. I heard a window open, and I looked up. Doris leaned out on the windowsill, wearing a pair of pajamas and her hair tied up in a scarf. She looked gorgeous to me. "John, are you crazy?" she yelled down to me. "Absolutely," I said, nodding my head. We stared at each other, a moment of understanding passing between us. Slowly, she broke into a wide smile. A few seconds later, she had run down the three flights of stairs, opened the front door and flung herself into my arms.

I wish I could say that all my troubles ended at that moment. The divorce was a dragged out process, not only because of custody issues involving the kids, but Anna felt she to exaggerate things to get a bigger alimony payment. I could have fought dirty, but I didn’t for the sake of the boys. Eventually we both settled on joint custody of Sean and Noah. To my surprise, Anna dropped her request for alimony and asked for more child support, which I was willing to pay. She moved in with Derek and went back to school to get a college degree. I guess he’s paying for her education. Doris did quit being my assistant. In light of all the other confusion that was going on, we didn’t need to add to it by fueling gossip at the office. There were some rumors flying around, but I hired another assistant quickly—a guy straight out of college who wanted to learn the construction business—and the rumors died off.

Doris and I took things slow. We wanted to make sure that we had a real relationship, not just an office fling. I learned more about her, and met her family. There is still an air of mystery about her, however. We’re planning our wedding now, and I hope to spend the rest of my life discovering the mysteries that make up the wonderful, loving person she is.